- ACURA

Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

A Car Usually Rarely Appreciates

- AUDI

Always Upside-down, Double Interest

A Used Dodge Incognito

- BMW

Break My Window

Bring More Women

- BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

- CADILLAC

Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions

- CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

- DODGE

Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere

Dear Old Dads Garbage Engine

- FERRARI

Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively

- FIAT

Found In A Trashcan Fix It All the Time

- FORD

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

For Old Retired Dutchmen

- HONDA

Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dads Assistance

Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything

- JAGUAR

Just A Guess U Are Rich

- LOTUS

Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious